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Jerry Charles
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3/25/2005
05:52:40
Subject: big show this weekend
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Attention Jerry Charles Fans !

I will be performing tonight, 4 shows between 2 pm and midnite at the corner of 7th and Northampton St. in Easton, Pa, no cover, no minimum, all new material. Saturday night I will be at Ling & Bibby's, formerly known as Tom's Den, in Catasauqua, for 2 shows. Opening act to be announced, but it will probably be Otto and Jumbo with their chimp/diaper act. (Its hard getting good opening acts at the last moment, well, impossible really). This is an all ages show for adults only, no kids, high school students admitted for half price with school id. No pets, no BYOB, no drugs, no parking, restrooms within driving distance, no security, tips accepted, light snack and or Euro style bistro pub grub, stewarts sandwhiches, day old mystery meals, fully stocked bar with armed bartenders for your conveinence, clothing optional section, smoking mandatory, Kesslers smooth as silt whiskey fountain (extra), happy hour wine specials by the bucket, used pre-owned recycled beer half price (Tuesday afternoon only)Shuttle service for the unconcious, floor to ceiling european style urine trough (inside-outside) sea of balls in the parking lot, one table, get there early, reservations welcomed, suggested but not accepted. Vomitorium services on every floor. no salesman, no credit, rubber machines in the comfort station, prostitute service, casino gambling, high class lifestyle clothing outlets in the basement arcade, camping facilities, canoe rentals, job opportunities, kareoke, bare knuckle boxing (amateur and professional) free peanuts on the bar, free chewing gum under the bar, restroom/comfort station porters with one towell, 2 for 1 shots of sterno specials, no dress code, no cover, no minimum, $20.00 admittance charge before 4:00 AM. Door prizes, boil fluid wrestling auditions in the basement (not for the squeamish), roaming diaper models in the mezzanine dining room, Mons. Ed and his all girl flatus tube marching orchestra will be performing between sets. no-0ne admittd after the opening credits, penicillian available by request. Rabies free enviornment, family atmosphere, license pending, special incontinence seating section with buckets and moist towellettes, singing waiters, Hunk and Moon Man, scantily clad waitressess, Joyce and Sandra,fun for the whole family, enter at your own risks, no refunds, you break it, you bought it. Come on down and join the party. bring your own clean change of underwear.


hettie nusbaum
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3/25/2005
09:21:54
RE: big show this weekend
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Who is this really?


Jerry Charles
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3/25/2005
10:52:01
RE: big show this weekend
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Dear Hettie,

I am who I am, and I am Jerry Charles, former songsmith and now a shell of a man with a career in the shitter, and reduced to playing dumps that in my glory days I wouldn't even dump in. If you are in the area this weekend, and you can prove that you aren't a cop, stop by the club and I'll buy you a shot of sterno, if that asshole, Ed Earl doesn't cut off my credit again. You might want to bring a little extra cash with you, I nned to get my hat cleaned and blocked. My head is a little unusual, so I need the lid for performing. I used to try to do shows with a comb-over, but since most clubs have fans now, it screws up the old coifure. I'm also available for private parties, although my parole officer says I have to make you sign a release first.
Caio Baby,
Jerry


H. Silfies , Esq.
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3/25/2005
12:21:00
RE: big show this weekend
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Yo Jerry,
Are you gonna let me and Moon Man work the door saturday night? Ed Earl Jr. says no way and that we can't even come inside the building onacounta he hates our guts onacounta what happened last time with the chimp. Not the little chimp, the really old chimp. Moon Man said it wasn't our fault and it coulda happened to anybody, which I knda doubt, but thats what we told the state police and we can't change it now. Let us know, if we are on for saturday night. You don't have to pay us, as long as we can go thru the topcoats and fur wraps in the cloakroom.
Ma says hello, and wants to know when you are going to return her good spatula.
Hunk, and Moon Man


Ted Kennedy
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3/25/2005
13:57:25
RE: big show this weekend
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I financed Larry Carles first demo-tape at a cheesy karaoke bar at Martha's Vineyard way back before Mary Jo was giving me hummers in my limo.
He had promise I thought, so I spent 3,000 on a demo tape, and it got him an opening act spot with Bing Crosby, but then Charles was caught backstage with Sammy Davis Jr is avery uncompromising situation, and oh yeah, Little Richard was there, too, and a beautiful negress names Angel. Also in the room was Jayne Mansfield " taking care " Little Stevie Wonder when he was 14 or so, then there was Mamie Van Doren doing that older punk from the Little Rascals, or was it the dog?


alfalfa switzer
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3/25/2005
15:18:49
RE: big show this weekend
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hey! the only hummer mamie van doren ever gave me was in
your imagination, and i hope it was as good for her as it was for
me!
now that i read the hat and comb-over section i remember
jerry charles real well, he came aboard just before i left. i
remember chubby and froggy laughing at the shadow his head
made on the wall. kinda like a giant monster bed pan.
if my memory serves, i gave that schmoe a few singing
lessons on my dime, and he never once said thanks!
its behaviour like this that causes a guy to reach into his
lunch box and pull out a baby ruth, and i don't meant the candy
bar.
so, if no one minds me being dead, i got better things to do!


Faux News
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3/26/2005
02:53:39
RE: big show this weekend
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Breaking News..All The News That is New!
Swift Boat Veterans for Fascism are planning to boycott the performance of legendary crooner Jerry Charles tonight following thier allegations that they witnessed Mr. Charles making fun of George V. Bush during Mr. Charles tour od duty as a swift boat bilge pumper during the Viet Nam Conflict. Spokesperson for Mr. Charles, his former wife, Mrs. Newhouser stated publically that Mr. Charles was never in the military during the Viet Nam war, but was in fact , a highly decorated Korean War Veteran who earned "all sorts of beautiful medals ands stuff for single handedly defeating Kaiser Bill and them Nazis and Hitler"
Swift Boat Veterans for Fascism have accused Mr. Charles of being memeber of the Communist Party, a Bolsehvik, a Rotarian, a Fascist, an anti-Fascist, a crummy singer, and a big liar.
stay tuned for more news as it happens !


hunk silfies
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3/26/2005
09:02:46
RE: big show this weekend
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not to mention he aint no friend to chickens. he thought it was
fun to sit on the stoop at mrs.n's hous barefoot holding a wish
bone between the big toes of both feet. he would sit there and
bawk in the mood in these horrible alleged chicken sounds and
then attempt to break the wishbone with his feet.
this kind of junk is just some of the abuse he dished out
while he was still alive.
one time the bone broke and stuck in the flesh between his
rather small big toe and the larger one next to it. he got this
look on his face, like bing when he walks into the crapper after
libby just came out. he hopped around and begged me and
moonman to pull it out. we did but not the bone.
i am not sad that jerry charles is dead. ma says he used to
sneak into the tool shed when i was little and sing to me in my
sleep.
creepy, huh?


Dandy Rheele
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3/27/2005
08:41:00
RE: big show this weekend
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I am an infrecuent poster on this stupid boord, but am a freekcuent visiter of same.
I have never evan herd of Jerry Charles exept on this boord.I evan bet there isin't any apartment tapes of Jerry Charles, now is there, huh?


Jerry Charles
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3/28/2005
04:57:31
RE: big show this weekend
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its people like you who have sabotaged my career since the 60s, when them mop tops from england ruined the music buisness. The moron above is not really Hunk Silfies, there are no apartment tapes. There ARE some old clips from Mike Douglas, Merv Griffith and Joey Bishop from the late 60s that are available on ebay, or thru my ex-manager, Mel Gruver. There are also some jerkoffs that continually post messages that I am dead. I have recently oncovered some 8x 10 black and white publicity photos from 1970, which shows Me, Mel, Logus , Eddie and some cocktail waitresses in Vegas, after a show. I may be selling these if I can get the creases out. Rhino is thinking about an anthology of my early recordings is they master tapes are in good enough condition. If any posters to this board, doubt that I am real, just ask Prof Irwin Corey. We worked together many times in nightclubs in the late 50s, early 60s in New Jersey and Brooklyn.
Jerry


Irwin Corey
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3/28/2005
06:40:49
RE: big show this weekend
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Yes, Jerry Charles does exist and we performed on the same bill several times in the "good old days" of nightclubs, on the east coast, and a few times in Las Vegas. Jerry had a good voice back in those days, and a pretty entertaining act, and he was a nice guy who was generous with his money and always held is liquor well. The entertainment buisness is not always fair, and Jerry should have been a household name, especially after the Mike Douglas program where he performed Volare'. That almost brought down the house. Even Jerry Vale was impressed. Don't count Jerry Charles out yet. He is still a formidable talent.
Good luck, Jerry,
Irwin


Ted Kennedy
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3/28/2005
07:38:17
RE: big show this weekend
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" and he was a nice guy who was generous with his money and always held is liquor well."

Liquor?!?!!

I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HER !!!


Bob and Larry
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3/28/2005
07:47:23
RE: big show this weekend
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We all know what you like to lick, Condy. Go pump some donuts, you carpet muncher !


LONESTAR BASSTYRD
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6/12/2005
09:38:05
RE: big show this weekend
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THAT'S IT.........BOARD CLOSED.......SAY BYE....BYE


P 1


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