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Phil Pudmeier
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3/07/2005
12:30:48
Subject: pen pals
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Message:
Hi everybody,
I'm looking to make some friends now that I am out of the hospital and not a sociopath any longer. my therapist thinks that is it a good idea and will help me re-enter society, especially since I was rejected by all the group homes. I will answer all messages except the ones from assholes. i would especially like to hear from women over 21 because the courts will not allow me to have contact with women/girls under 21, or any chimps, regardless of age or sex.
Looking forward to your replies.
Phil Pudmeier
Friendmaker


Sandra and Joyce
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3/08/2005
05:58:08
RE: pen pals
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Dear Phil,
Me and Sandra are willing to be your friends, but you are gonna hafta pay us in cash this time. Not in goobers and raisinettes like you done in the hospital. Times have changed, and we have moved on, and then moved back, so we will see you under the bridge, don't forget your money, and no credit !
Joyce


Wilson
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3/10/2005
06:57:03
RE: pen pals
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Hello Phil,
My name is Wilson, and I am a fish, and I live in Logus's rumpus room over in the corner of the tank. I would be your friend, but it would have to be underwater, and no monkey buisness please, platonic friendship only.


diver dan
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3/14/2005
17:55:06
RE: pen pals
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well shit wilson what about me, over here behind the bubbler,
near that stupid ceramic fish with the marbles in his mouth?
maybe if you would swim the whole tank you would find that you
are not so very much alone. we used to be so close, remember?


Lance Spit Snotpud
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3/18/2005
09:50:09
RE: pen pals
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Message:
when I was a student, I one took several slugs (from Ed Earl Jr.s backyard rock garden, and then me and Wally hit them real hard with rubber mallets until they were dead, or close to death, then we scraped the residue up with the flat edged tool that came with our mess kits, into small colored glass jars which Wally inserted into the buisness end of a fully functional Old Mr. Boston Flatus Tube, then had Sandra and Joyce blow (sic) into the flatus tube with such gusto that the slug parts rocketed into his colon with volcanic force. We really arent sure whose idea this was or the reasoning behind the whole thing, but we do know this, if you try it at home, or in the hospital, make sure the slugs are dead. You probably cannot understand the significance of this rationale right now, but someday when you are reclining on the operating table and Dr. Jumbo is preparing to to use her chest expander on your asshole, you will hopefully understand, as I did. Science is not for the squeamish, and those preparing for a future without semi-deceased colonic slugs would do well to heed these words of wisdom and to do anything within in their power to prevent the unheralded spread of colonic slug infestations if they are at all serious about having a girlfriend sometime before their spleen erupts into a fireball. Like Wally!


P 1


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